always I remember that month as the month of change, the month that made me an adult self at last.
is not easy growing up. Yet there comes a time when one is look in the mirror, something has changed, I'm not the same. A look in the dreams are not the same, now are clearer, sharper. A stop having nightmares.
dreamed then I remember, in a green room and a man smiled at me. And I decided then, with joy and flavor, value, thereafter known only good men. End to the men who love women. For the bastards, the self-centered, the macho.
into adulthood, I thought, maybe it sought to stop the other but if we look to myself. It is meet and love myself. These were the first thoughts I had, that August sticky and weird, no rain, no sun. Stretched on the bed without stopping to read Virginia Woolf, Erica Jong, Colette. In the evenings Firgoff and did go out with long marches in the forest surrounding the city, which filled me with warm and green vitality.
And is that always changes after an abortion. One has to change. The abortion takes the change itself.
abortion has always existed, always will be, as politicians, mafia, poverty. The abortion is part of life and death, is an act of life and death. And very lonely.
is a female act, abortion. An event that includes the woman's body, his life, his freedom. Nobody knows what an abortion, only women who have abortions know. And those that abort.
I had an abortion, that August damp and strange, and I regret it and more, say that abortion was Me a woman more integrated, stronger and more courageous. And all this, the integrity, strength and courage, not acquired easily. Abortion is not easy, it's a very important decision in the life of a woman. It is perhaps the most important decision a woman has to take, when the situation arises. No one, not the advice of friends, no laws, nor the empty words of government workers, or they can help in making the decision. One is, suddenly, before the void, to a precipice, with nothing.
remember this at all ... The Nothing ... This search is nothing. Lost in the middle of what was suddenly my life as a stop in a cosmos without reply, but suddenly this Cosmos, aware, alive around me, live inside me, a possible infinite Cosmos. I had many conversations with those in living cells my body, what could be, something that I could be. Together we floated aimlessly in a sea of \u200b\u200buncertainties, questions without answers, of questions. Suddenly I reflected on my own, suddenly I just had this small but I wanted to be a self conscious awareness. Or fathers, or mothers, or lovers, or friends, or books, there was only this dialogue in my same, in my body, my life, me and him growing inside of me, part of me, part of the Cosmos and stars.
I called Kyoto sublime presence, this force me into a being floating in the Cosmos. Kyoto Kyoto ... My life, my beloved Kyoto ... It has been many years since that August, and yet still excited to remember that contact, which lasted three weeks. Kyoto, she said, forgive me, forgive me bring you back to this endless universe and empty. This Nothing stellar.
And the cocoon of life I know that helped me make the decision. I know I accepted the sacrifice.
In late August, a long summer of wet, sticky and weird, one day, suddenly it started raining hard, with thunder and lightning, raining nonstop. With left Firgoff en la calle, y durante largos minutos estuve parada en medio de una agua que caía del cielo, del Cosmos, agua reparadora, agua que limpiaba y suavizaba. El perro ladraba de alegría, saltaba de alegría, era un perro que le gustaba el agua, un Labrador negro y fuerte que adoraba mojarse. Daba vueltas alrededor mío, como cantando. Yo no cantaba. Yo simplemente, Kioto, dejaba que el agua resbalase sobre mí.
