There was a time when everything was governed under the gaze of men. Walking, dressing, thinking, deciding and to see everything under the sun that was the look of men.
And there were nights when he looked at me, naked in front of oval mirror and saw me as they saw me. The curves of my body, the tender forms, corners, defects, everything seemed a reflection of a woman who was receiving only the eyes of man. Out of this force was neither male nor I wanted to record anywhere.
were times of great activity, both mental, sexual, emotional. Were years of immense experience and growth. But always under the power of the gaze of men.
One day, walking my beloved dog near St-Laurent river, I suddenly had a vision: I saw in a garden surrounded by plants, cats and dogs. Colette remembered, he decided to end his life in a certain peace accompanied by these beasts who all his life had been accompanied, beloved dogs, friends, cats, turtles, birds. And I saw as Colette. And this vision, so sudden, so this left me paralyzed in the middle of the street, almost breathless. My dog \u200b\u200bsat beside me, waiting. I kept seeing myself in that garden, and I was alone. I mean, there was no man. I wondered: Can you be happy without a man? Can you live without the look of men perched on it?
I began to mourn in silence. The answer was yes, made me aware of a process that was beginning in my life as a woman. It is always hard free, grow, embark on a new experience. And the life of a woman is always available to new stages, stages ENTAM difficult, stages of great inner strength.
that day with my dog \u200b\u200band near the most important river in Quebec, I remember being asked, the goddesses, to help me in this new path that opened before. Maybe I was tired at that moment, the eyes of men.
My friend Louise has come to spend a weekend at home in the village and sitting comfortably on the couch, taking a hot whiskey and accompanied by our friends cats and dogs and a fire in the fireplace , talk about that pivotal moment in the lives of all women, as a fork, a vital crossroads where we must decide which path to choose. In fact this cross appears at the right time after many experiences. And it is good to appear.
For Louise was the day when a man left her at a hotel room on the outskirts of the city. He says the shock he laughed and the laughter turned into a kind of instrument of liberation. And then his life was transformed, and there were no more dates with strangers, in hotels sad. And his life was transformed because they were not important these meetings. Other priorities appeared, other concerns. Started doing yoga, painting, creating.
for me was when I decided to abort. Luisa is the only one who knows of this dark history in my life, the moment you raise, as a woman, if you will give birth or not. This decision between life and death, is the most difficult that a woman has to make. One day I read in a feminist magazine that many women experience a metaphysical and spiritual experience aborting. Suddenly, after weeks of indecision, of unanswered questions and a lot of loneliness, the woman who aborts is being transformed. Becomes unconscious girl mature woman, integrates this. The price is sacrifice. But then comes a kind of freedom and force that covers everything, even life and death.
Now, I say to my friend Louise, I no longer live under the gaze of men solar. Now, and this for several years, living under the gaze of other women lunar, Erica Jong, Germaine Greer, Marilyn French, Doris Lessing, Mary Daly, Gloria Steinem ... In moments of great concern is to them that I, like, wondering .
But what counts is not the gaze of men or the look of these brave Amazons, but mine. My eyes on me is all that counts.
